Posted on Tue, 04/22/2008 - 1:35am by Markus Kolic
Good news, everyone: using my MAGIC CRYSTAL BALL I have psychically divined the outcome of the Pennsylvania primary! The following things will happen tonight:
- Everyone will be astonished by how wrong the polls were, just like every other damn time;
- Obama supporters will immediately claim that the results mean Hillary must drop out;
- Hillary supporters will immediately claim that they have won a mandate to stay on, and also, Barack Obama hates america;
- Chris Matthews will get very exercised about some bullshit; and
- Absolutely nothing of relevance will be decided, as this unkillable zombie-like campaign staggers onward into infinity.
There. Now you can skip watching the primary, and do something better with your time -- like a nice walk along the Charles, several dozen rounds of Boomshine, repeatedly hitting yourself in the face with a mallet, etc. Go! Go and be free!