Baltimore!!! Lay off my hometown Lacaria!!!

First of all, there is no way that this picture of Hillary Clinton can remain not a part of demapples. If she loses Pennsylvania, the one plus for her is that there is enough time for her to drop out in time for prefrosh weekend!! For those of you who were curious, Hillary chases with beer.

Now on to "The Greatest City in America" (Or at least this is the Orwellian propaganda on all of our Benches. Personally, I have been of the opinion that if we are going to lie, we should lie a little bigger. "Greatest city in the galaxy" perhaps?)

First, it has been this long since the Orioles have made it to the World Series.

And it has been this long since the Orioles finished above .500

But after a week of this year's baseball season the Baltimore Orioles are shockingly in first place!! In fact, I feel the need to write this post immediate as I know that if I wait another day the orioles will soon return to our rightful spot in fourth place in the AL East. And I will have to bite my tongue as smug Red Sox fans, such as demapples favorite Chris Lacaria, pee themselves with glee every time David Ortiz scratches himself in the on deck circle and take the team's success as evidence of Boston's superiority in spite of the fact that it was 35 degrees yesterday (on April 13th!!!!)

Anyhow, Lacaria took a completely baseless and absurd swipe at Baltimore last week in his column (linked above). I felt that his ridiculous charges of bandwagon hopping could not go unchallenged. Here is my response to these accusations:

Dear Crimson,

Chris Lacaria is free to make sweeping criticism of godless Harvard liberals, the left wing media, baby killing environmentalist radicals, peacenik latte drinking america hating yoga instructor Democrats and the like, and he does so on a regular basis in his column. Today, however, in his column "Jump off the Bandwagon" Lacaria has finally crossed the line in his condescending, derogatory and just completely untrue characterization of Baltimoreans.

Lacaria writes "if they are from Baltimore...many Harvard students--for a month at least in early autumn--are rabid Red Sox." I defy Mr. Lacaria to find one (one!) native of the Charm City, one person who has had the distinct privilege of spending childhood afternoons with their father in the stands of beautiful Camden Yards (with no poles in their sight line), who proudly applauded as Baltimore native Cal Ripken Jr. rounded the field after playing his 2131st consecutive game, who believed in "Orioles Magic" and the "Oriole Way" long after Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy had become myths, just one person who will blithely cast away their identity as a resident of "The greatest city in America" to don an absurdly overpriced Red Sox hat and cheer for our hated AL East rival with whom we only share the common enemy of the positively satanic New York Yankees.

I will admit that the Baltimore Orioles have fallen on hard times lately. We haven't had a winning season since Mr. Lacaria was busy explaining the stain on Monica Lewinsky's dress to his 5th grade homeroom.

But it is awfully premature to so preemptively be handing out unwanted tickets on the Red Sox bandwagon. At the time of this writing, it is the Baltimore Orioles who sit atop the AL East while the Red Sox languish in last.

The Baltimore bandwagon is leaving the station Mr. Lacaria. Feel free to jump on board.

Sincerely,

Sam Novey

UPDATE: Watch out Maryland liquor stores!! Jenna Bush is moving to Baltimore!

Sarbanes Preview

So John Sarbanes is coming this Saturday! Yay! 5:30 P.M. in Ticknor Lounge.

He is a really kick ass Congressman. Here are a couple of highlights from his Freshman Term that point the intellect and integrity that make people so optimistic about his future.

First, (this made the daily show), he throws down on Bush appointee Lurita Doan about grammar! grammar! He is breaking out the "future pluperfect" and "hortatory subjunctive" in the middle of an Oversight and Government Reform Committee hearing.

Awesome.

Second, this is his speech against the troop surge back in February.

It is one of the more eloquent articulation of a solid Democratic position on the issue that I have heard. Especially with the whole "Respecting ROTC" thing going down right now, this is a good example of how Democrats should talk about the military. That is why he is considered a rising star in the Democratic Party.

Be there on Saturday! 5:30, Ticknor Lounge, FREE GREEK FOOD