Life Lessons from the Harvard University Police Log, 2008-02-21

You can learn a lot from our Police Log, which is periodically published in the Crimson. For instance:

5:17 p.m.—Officer was dispatched the Yard to a report of an individual in the area riding a mini bike. Officer arrived and searched the area for the individual with negative results.

LESSON: If you ride a minibike in Harvard Yard, you will probably not be arrested.

4:43 p.m.—Officers were dispatched to Au Bon Pain to a report of an assault in progress. Officers arrived and spoke to the reporting party who stated that when they attempted to sit down at a table they were threatened by another individual. The reporting party states that the individual then kicked them and struck them in the knee.
7:01 a.m.—Officers dispatched to Au Bon Pain to a report that an individual reported threw a chair at another individual.

LESSON: There are clearly some bad vibes at Au Bon Pain.

3:22 a.m.—Officers dispatched to Lionel Hall to a report of an individual screaming. Officer arrived and spoke to the individual who stated that they were attempting to flag down a cab. Officers then transported the individual to their destination.

LESSON: If it's 3 AM and you need a ride, stand outside Lionel Hall and scream until the police come.

11:17 a.m.—Officers dispatched to the Murr Center to take report of a stolen brown Bottega Veneta wallet valued at $700.00 that contained identification cards, credit cards, a health insurance card, and $2,490.00 in cash.

LESSON: Do not walk around with $2500 in cash, you fucking moron.

8:11 p.m.—Officer arrived at Lowell House’s G entryway to a report of a fire alarm. Officer arrived and was informed that an individual attempted to light a fire in the fireplace and the smoke caused the alarm to activate.
2:46 p.m.—Officers were dispatched to Lowell House to take report of suspicious activity. Officer arrived and spoke to the reporting party who stated that an unknown individual(s) placed feces in their desk drawer.

LESSON: Lowell House is not a fun place to live.